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Repeat
3 Sep 2009, 08:32pm
21 WAYS TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth’s climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV’s.

6. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

7. You have to believe that the same teacher who can’t teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

8. You have to believe that hunters don’t care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

9. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

10. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make The Passion of the Christ for financial gain only.

11. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

12. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

13. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G. Bell.

14. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

15. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.

16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn’t worked anywhere it’s been tried is because the right people haven’t been in charge.

17. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

18. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

19. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.

20. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.

21. You have to believe that it’s okay to give Federal workers off on Christmas Day but it’s not okay to say “Merry Christmas.”


--------------

I thought this was hilarious. If you don't, get over it.

Delirium
3 Sep 2009, 08:43pm
21 WAYS TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth’s climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV’s.

6. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

7. You have to believe that the same teacher who can’t teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

8. You have to believe that hunters don’t care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

9. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

10. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make The Passion of the Christ for financial gain only.

11. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

12. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

13. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G. Bell.

14. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

15. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.

16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn’t worked anywhere it’s been tried is because the right people haven’t been in charge.

17. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

18. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

19. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.

20. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.

21. You have to believe that it’s okay to give Federal workers off on Christmas Day but it’s not okay to say “Merry Christmas.”


--------------

I thought this was hilarious. If you don't, get over it.


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No really. DIAF and it is part of a conspiracy.

Bad Dog
3 Sep 2009, 08:45pm
I think its stupid to be one or the other. Im democrat on some things, republican on others.

Repeat
3 Sep 2009, 08:47pm
I think you're both stupid. Actually, I know.

Bad Dog
3 Sep 2009, 08:55pm
I think you're both stupid. Actually, I know.

Lol. Good for you. So what am I supposed to do if I agree with half of those and think the other half is dumb?

Italian Jew
3 Sep 2009, 09:02pm
lol, just google 21 ways to be a good Republican/Democrat and you'll see it is just some lulz.

Caution
3 Sep 2009, 09:08pm
:clap:

Alpha2
3 Sep 2009, 11:36pm
21 WAYS TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth’s climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV’s.

6. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

7. You have to believe that the same teacher who can’t teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

8. You have to believe that hunters don’t care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

9. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

10. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make The Passion of the Christ for financial gain only.

11. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

12. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

13. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G. Bell.

14. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

15. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.

16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn’t worked anywhere it’s been tried is because the right people haven’t been in charge.

17. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

18. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

19. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.

20. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.

21. You have to believe that it’s okay to give Federal workers off on Christmas Day but it’s not okay to say “Merry Christmas.”


--------------

I thought this was hilarious. If you don't, get over it.

It's all true! #1 should have been, "You have to want to be a lazy bum who refuses to work and wants the successful people to support you."

SchmoSalt
3 Sep 2009, 11:39pm
lol, just google 21 ways to be a good Republican/Democrat and you'll see it is just some lulz.


I think its stupid to be one or the other. Im democrat on some things, republican on others.


And this is why I'm an Independent. :D

vinhex
4 Sep 2009, 02:26am
omg 18 and 21 are soooooooooooooo true

liberal shit like that pisses the crap outta me

im declared libertarian, so perhaps im a bit of a hypocrite also..... oh no.... *bolts*

Repeat
4 Sep 2009, 06:57am
lol, just google 21 ways to be a good Republican/Democrat and you'll see it is just some lulz.

It's just for teh lulz, right Jew? lol

MasterkennyG
4 Sep 2009, 07:48am
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No really. DIAF and it is part of a conspiracy.

flame?

Omar
4 Sep 2009, 08:06am
Liberty? capitalism? the right to own your own property? LOL


Communism? Equality? sharing everything, being a part of one whole? LOL




Dictatorship? remove everyone and everything that stands in the way of succes and power? FUCK YEA!

Delirium
4 Sep 2009, 08:21am
flame?

No.

Italian Jew
4 Sep 2009, 03:23pm
It's just for teh lulz, right Jew? lol

word

RedOctober
5 Sep 2009, 10:45pm
ha
15 is my favorite. Hillary is frickin off her rocker!

.... oh i have another one u can add.
22. Your a good Democrat if your ok with that fact that if the President and Vice. die, then Nancy Pelosi will become the commander in chief.
[shudder, that gives me the chills]

Harpr33t
10 Sep 2009, 08:09am
Another fucking bias p.o.v.

RedOctober
11 Sep 2009, 05:31pm
Another fucking bias p.o.v.

yes it is my point of view, but no im not biased.

i always take a not partisan view on any political dilemma, I review the facts and make my own decisions regardless of political party.

trakaill
11 Sep 2009, 08:19pm
some of these...the ones about abortion and global warming are so stupid and close minded I cant even start to explain why and how....

TheTruth
11 Sep 2009, 09:56pm
21 Ways To Be A Good SteamGamer?

Alpha2
12 Sep 2009, 01:28am
21 Ways To Be A Good SteamGamer?

Masturbate 100 times daily?

Snakes on a Wii
19 Sep 2009, 01:23am
21 WAYS TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

Not all Democrats are against capital punishment, and not all democrats support "abortion on demand". Just what is abortion on demand anyway? Is that abortions for people who need them? Or is that the imaginary conservative's nightmare where abortion is used as and is somehow magically transformed into a cost-effective means of birth control?


2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

Oh I get it; it's funny because all democrats are anti-capitalist hippies. Tell me, in that reality of yours do the non-hippies not use roads, since they're manufactured by the evil, evil government?


3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.

Yes, as a good Democrat I always support giving nuclear secrets to other nations, since nuclear war is the most effective way to achieve ABORTIONS. EVERYWHERE.

Oh and I also support gun rights. I'm guessing the Democrats in your la-la land solely consist of tree hugging commies and there's no such thing as a Southern or Conservative Democrat.


4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

What? This doesn't even make sense. Are you referring to the WPA during the New Deal? Because that had almost nothing to do with art, it was more about achieving our nefarious goal of giving people jobs so they could have money to get abortions (which is the ultimate master plan you see, since we all hate babies so much).


5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth’s climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV’s.

Firstly, no one with a brain believes that, secondly, your "soccer moms driving SUVs" thing would be laughable if it weren't supported by every National Academy of Science in every industrialized nation, as well as the consilience of multiple, independent lines of evidence (Including Antarctic ice cores which show both the carbon dioxide level and the average temperature for the last tens of thousands of years, showing a strong correlation between CO2 content and global temperature). This isn't a political opinion, it's scientific fact.


6. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

Which is actually true, in that federal funding for comprehensive sex education and increased availability for contraception works precisely because those two things are the most cost-effective ways to reduce the spread of STDs as well as unplanned pregnancies.

Of course, the unplanned pregnancies reduction is an unfortunate side effect, since that undermines our goal of aborting as many babies as possible.


7. You have to believe that the same teacher who can’t teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

Yes, nothing gives us more pleasure than employing incompetent people (besides killing babies and sacrificing their blood to Satan, of course) and having them show pornography to fourth graders. It's important to teach fourth graders about sex instead of high schoolers, since fourth graders don't have cars and can spend more of their allowance on abortions (which we all loooove).



8. You have to believe that hunters don’t care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

As a hunter, I think this statement is full of crap.


9. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

Yes, we are all for removing all systems of earning achievements. This is why we don't hold primary elections, but instead nominate all of our presidential candidates for the ticket, since everyone's a winner!


10. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make The Passion of the Christ for financial gain only.

I absolutely believe that Mel Gibson really buys into the crap he spouts. He has a big enough ego to believe that he's godly for making a movie like that, and as such I have no problem believing that he spent all of that money solely because he wanted to spread the word of Jesus Christ (tm), not for financial gain only.

Seriously the guy is like the Tom Cruise of Christianity.


11. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

No, I disagree with the NRA because of their extremist language and paranoid conspiracy thinking they encourage, however I agree with them on principle.


12. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

Taxes are too low on whom? Warren Buffet? Hell yeah, the guy said himself he pays 19% in taxes when the average worker at his company pays 40%. He himself said that was stupid.

And as someone who likes not paying ridiculous fees, yes, I believe that ATM fees are always too high. It's stupid that I have to pay money to get my money, when the transaction costs the bank absolutely nothing.


13. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G. Bell.

As someone who has never heard of Margaret Sanger or Gloria Steinem, I think this statement is full of crap.


14. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

I believe none of these things and I have to seriously question the mental capacity of those who do.


15. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.

Having never met her, I know nothing about her personality. I have to seriously question the motives of people who haven't met her calling her a spawn of Satan though...


16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn’t worked anywhere it’s been tried is because the right people haven’t been in charge.

I believe it could have worked better had the right people been in charge, however given human nature I seriously doubt it could ever work perfectly, which is exactly how I feel about any form of government I've heard of.


17. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

Who exactly is the conservative telling the truth that I want in jail? If they're the ones ratting out our secret baby-killing master plan, then yes, they need to be put in jail.

But I don't see how Clinton is a "sex offender". Adultery isn't a crime, and the term "sex offender" refers to people who commit sex-related crimes (usually pedos). And a liar? Please. If lying were a reason to chuck a President we'd have to chuck all of them, even George Washington; because no one is perfect and everyone lies.


18. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

As a Democrat who staunchly believes in constitutionally protected free speech and freedom of religion, I think this statement is full of crap. You're referring to state-sanctioned displays of religion, which is not religious freedom but anti-religious freedom, since it creates a state-sanctioned religious view, which is as much unconstitutional as telling someone they can't celebrate Christmas.



19. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.

Tell me, in this movie do they have abortions? Man, I sure do love abortions, being a Democrat and all.


20. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.

Obviously it is, because it was crafted with master cunning and so skillful and precise that a dumb Democrat with too much time on his hands on a Saturday morning couldn't slice through it, laughing all the way.


21. You have to believe that it’s okay to give Federal workers off on Christmas Day but it’s not okay to say “Merry Christmas.”

As someone who says "Merry Christmas", this statement is full of crap.


I thought this was hilarious. If you don't, get over it.

Oh, I thought it was hilarious too. But the point of the joke is that you're not supposed to take it seriously, which some people seem to do.

Harpr33t
19 Sep 2009, 08:01am
yes it is my point of view, but no im not biased.

i always take a not partisan view on any political dilemma, I review the facts and make my own decisions regardless of political party.
... i meant the thread not ur post, if i meant your post i would have quoted it.

Italian Jew
19 Sep 2009, 12:34pm
Blah blah blah

Oh, I thought it was hilarious too. But the point of the joke is that you're not supposed to take it seriously, which some people seem to do.



Like you?

Snakes on a Wii
19 Sep 2009, 01:00pm
Like you?

Yes, like me.

LegalSmash
22 Sep 2009, 01:08am
Yes, like me.

Furry.

Astrum
23 Sep 2009, 05:32pm
I'm just going to go ahead and lock this thread and the libertarian thread while I figure out a decent solution to this problem...