Jokes!

[vybz]

Why did the one armed man cross the road? - to get to the second hand shop.

What kind of dance do u do on a trampoline? - hip hop

Why did Tigger look inside the toilet? - he was lookin for Pooh

Why did the man freeze his money? - he wanted cold, hard cash

What's snoop dogg's favourite weather? - drizzle

[Matt.]

How do you keep an idiot busy?

(See post below)

[Matt.]

How do you keep an idiot busy?

(See post above)

[SDtielvdeo]

[Edit Due to Racial Content]

[SDtielvdeo]

Men Wish Women Knew


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up - put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Sometimes we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
5. Get rid of your cat.
6. Sunday = Sports.
7. Anything you wear is fine - really.
8. Women wearing wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
9. You have too many shoes.
10. Crying is blackmail.
11. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
13. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point-blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
14. 'Yes' and 'No' are perfectly acceptable answers.
15. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
16. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
17. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
18. If you don't dress like the Dawson Creek girls, don't expect us to act like the soap opera guys.
19. If something we said could be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
20. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
21. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
22. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both.
23. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we.
24. You have enough clothes.
25. Nothing says 'I love you' like sex.

[contempt]

I toyed with the idea of opening a jokes thread. I'm gonna post a buncha jokes from "The Mammoth Book of dirty, sick, x-rated & politically incorrect jokes." In compliance with the rules, I will censor certain words and not post certain jokes. Hank already knows some of the following :P.

503 A woman saw a small boy leaning against a wall smoking a cigarette and taking swigs from a bottle of scotch.
'Shouldn't you be at school?' she asked.
'School?' said the boy. 'No way. I'm only four!'

502 {censored}
One day, two very loving parents got into a huge fight, in the course of which the man called the woman 'b***h', and she called him a 'bastard'. Their young son walked in at the height of the row and asked: 'What do bitch and bastard mean?'
Embarrassed by their appalling behavior, the parents explained: 'It means "ladies and gentlemen".'
By the next day the parents had made up, and decided to have sex. The woman said 'feel my
titties' and the man said 'feel my d**k'. When their son walked in and asked what titties and d**k meant, they replied: 'Hats and coats.'
On Thanksgiving the Dad was shaving when he cut himself, 'S**t!' he exclaimed. When the kid came in and asked what 's**t' meant, the father covered up his bad language by saying it was the brand of shaving cream he was using.
Meanwhile downstairs the mother, while preparing the turkey, also cut herself. 'F**k!' she exclaimed. Once again the kid asked what the word meant, and the mother pretended that it was her word for stuffing the turkey. Moments later, the doorbell rang. The kid opened the door to his relatives and announced loudly: 'All right, you b***hes and bastards, put your titties and d**ks in the closet, my Dad is upstairs wiping the s**t off his face, and Mom is in the kitchen f**king the turkey.'

421 George W. Bush was visting a fouth grade class at an elementary school. The kids were in the middle of talking about words and their meanings, and the teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word 'tragedy'. So Bush asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.
One little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives next door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a trajedy.'
'No,' said Bush, 'that would be an accident.'
A little girl raised her hand. 'If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone on board, that would be a tragedy.'
'I'm afraid not,' explained the President. 'That's what we would call a "great loss".'
The room fell silent until Bush asked: 'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'
Finally a boy at the back named Johnny raised his hand and suggested: 'If Air Force One, carrying you and Mrs Bush, was struck by a missile and blown to pieces, that would be a tragedy.'
'Correct,' said Bush. 'And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?'
'Well,' said Johnny, 'because, like you just told us, it wouldn't be an accident, and it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss.'

1226 {word changed}
A man was traveling home late at night on the subway when he read a sign: 'Dogs must be carried on the escalator.'
Despairingly, he thought to himself: 'Now where on earth am I going to find a dog at this time of night?'

To be continued... :)

contempt

Edit: SD, your joke ain't funny at all.
Almost got the same joke in my book, Havok. The wording is different and it's in Bagdad and with dollars.

[HankTheTank]

421 George W. Bush was visting a fouth grade class at an elementary school. The kids were in the middle of talking about words and their meanings, and the teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word 'tragedy'. So Bush asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.
One little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives next door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a trajedy.'
'No,' said Bush, 'that would be an accident.'
A little girl raised her hand. 'If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone on board, that would be a tragedy.'
'I'm afraid not,' explained the President. 'That's what we would call a "great loss".'
The room fell silent until Bush asked: 'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'
Finally a boy at the back named Johnny raised his hand and suggested: 'If Air Force One, carrying you and Mrs Bush, was struck by a missile and blown to pieces, that would be a tragedy.'
'Correct,' said Bush. 'And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?'
'Well,' said Johnny, 'because, like you just told us, it wouldn't be an accident, and it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss.'

contempt

.

that is the best joke i have heard in a looooong time XDXDXD... oh fun

and thanks for editing those jack, havoks wasnt to bad... im irish didnt bother me, but still a good decision

[HankTheTank]

this isnt so much as a joke as a puzzle... see if you can figure it out ;)
this is this puzzle
this is is puzzle
this is how puzzle
this is to puzzle
this is keep puzzle
this is an puzzle
this is idiot puzzle
this is buzy puzzle
this is for puzzle
this is fourty puzzle
this is seconds puzzle

dont post if you figure it out to soon, i want others to figure it out :D

[Riggs]

You spelled "busy" and "forty" wrong, idiot. :P

My joke: Three construction men, all sitting on a beam eating lunch. The first one (the Asian) says, "If my wife packs me sushi one more time, I'm going to jump off this building." The second one (the Mexican) says, "Yea, if my wife packs me tacos one more time, I'm going to jump off, too." The third guy (the American) stands up and says, "If my wife packs me PB&J one more time, I'm going to jump off, as well!" So, the next day, the Asian guy gets sushi and jumps. The Mexican also gets the same thing and jumps. The American opens his lunch, sees the sandwich, and jumps.
Later that day, the three wives are standing together at the funeral. The first and second guys' wives ask the third guy's wife why she isn't crying or upset, and she responds, "That dumbass packed his own lunch every day. He even packed himself Ham and Cheese today."

[matt 187]

A guy runs into his ex-girlfriend at a bar.

"I had sex with another woman last night," he tells her. "But I was thinking of you the whole time."

"You miss me that much?" she asks.

"No," he says. "But it kept me from coming too fast."

[matt 187]

You spelled "busy" and "forty" wrong, idiot. :P

My joke: Three construction men, all sitting on a beam eating lunch. The first one (the Asian) says, "If my wife packs me sushi one more time, I'm going to jump off this building." The second one (the Mexican) says, "Yea, if my wife packs me tacos one more time, I'm going to jump off, too." The third guy (the American) stands up and says, "If my wife packs me PB&J one more time, I'm going to jump off, as well!" So, the next day, the Asian guy gets sushi and jumps. The Mexican also gets the same thing and jumps. The American opens his lunch, sees the sandwich, and jumps.
Later that day, the three wives are standing together at the funeral. The first and second guys' wives ask the third guy's wife why she isn't crying or upset, and she responds, "That dumbass packed his own lunch every day. He even packed himself Ham and Cheese today."

i find the mexican one realy mean >: ( lmao

[Riggs]

By the way, my joke had no intended racism. The difference in race was purely for story purposes. I'm not trying to categorize or anything.

[contempt]

By the way, my joke had no intended racism. The difference in race was purely for story purposes. I'm not trying to categorize or anything.

Unlike SD's joke, yours was OK.

contempt

[SDtielvdeo]

Personally, a Racist joke is fine if its not really intended to be racist.... Just a funny joke... ah well. I mean if people actually get offended so easily... why the hell are you in this thread :p

[matt 187]

i dont realy care:cool::cool: cuz im cool like that and mostly i dont give a fuck...

i make joke's about everything and anything jew's blacks mexican's white's yag's i dont realy care it's all good

[contempt]

Are you fully aware of the meaning of the word "racist," SD? Racist jokes are never fine and, IMO, shouldn't be posted here. Granted, some are hilarious and, tho the book I'm quoting from does contain gobs of such jokes, hence the title, I won't post 'em here. Also, if need be, I will edit/modify every joke I post here and would like to thank Jack for editting SD's joke at this point.

On with the jokes now!
Here's one from me:

176 {censored}
It was a perfect summer's day, and a guy was driving along the highway to a
scenic lake where he intended spending the afternoon fishing. About an hour
from his destination, he spotted a man dressed from head to toe in red
standing by the side of the highway and gesturing him to stop. The fisherman
pulled over, wound down his window and asked: 'How can I help you?'
'I am the red a**hole of the asphalt,' replied the man in red. 'You got
anything to eat?'
Blessed with a generous spirit on such a beautiful day, the fisherman
handed the man one of his sandwiches before resuming his journey.
A few miles down the road, he noticed a man dressed all in yellow
standing by the side of the road and beckoning him to stop. Mildly irritated
by a second interruption to his progress, the fisherman called out: 'What do
you want?'
'I am the yellow a**hole of the asphalt,' replied the man in yellow. 'Got
anything to drink?'
The fisherman handed him a can of Coke and quickly drove off. Not
wanting to lose any more time, he put his foot down in an attempt to reach
the lake by lunchtime, but a few miles further down the road he saw a guy
dressed all in blue standing by the side of the road gesturing him to stop.
Frustrated by another delay, the fisherman pulled over, wound down the
window and yelled: 'Let me guess, you're the blue a**hole of the asphalt.
What the hell do you want?'
The man in blue replied: 'Driver's license and registration, please.'

contempt

PS: wasn't sure if censoring the a-word above was necessary but I did it anyway.

[SDtielvdeo]

Well, Someone with a sense of Humor wouldn't find a "racist" joke so racist to an extent. Well anyway, heres a few non-racist ones >.>


A sixteen-year old girl goes to her father and asks,
"Daddy, can I borrow your car?"
"Yes. But not before you give me a blow job."
The girl is disgusted but she really wants to use the car.
"All right, Daddy. Whip it out."
Daddy does so. As the girl starts sucking, she stops and is repulsed by
what she tastes.
"Yuk, Daddy! Your dick tastes like shit!"
"I know," he replies. "Your brother asked for the car a half hour ago."


Your mother-in-law, your wife, and your lawyer are caught in a burning building. What do you do?
-Go to a movie


Why does an alter boy get good grades?
-Behind every alter boy, is a priest pushing.


How does a man really know he's in love?
-He divorces his wife.


What do you do when you see your wife staggering outside the house?
-Shoot her again.


Why do women have vaginas?
-So men will talk to them.


Why wasn't Christ born in Italy?
-They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.


What do you do when you cross a Jehnovah's Witness with an atheist?
-Someone who knocks on your door for no reason.


How do you know God is a man?
-In five billion years, the planets haven't been rearranged.


"Hey, Gramps," littly Johnny said, "can you imitate a bullfrog?"
"Why do you want to know?" his grandpa asked.
"Cuz Mommy said when you croak, we're all gonna go to Disneyland!"

[contempt]

Like I was saying, some of 'em are hilarious but not suitable for a public forum like this. What you think is OK might be offensive to others. I'm still reading The Mammoth Book and mark the best jokes. With a slightly different wording, your incest joke (sixteen-year-old girl...) is #1181 in my book.

28 A woman was having an affair with an inspector from a pest-control
company. One afternoon they were having sex when her husband arrived
home unexpectedly.
'Quick,' she said to her lover. 'Into the closet!'
When the husband reached the bedroom, he spotted two drinking glasses
on the table and immediately became suspicious. He started searching the
room and eventually discovered the man in the closet.
'Who are you?' asked the husband.
'I'm an inspector from Bugzap.'
'What are you doing in there?'
'I'm investigating a complaint regarding an infestation of moths.'
'And where are your clothes?'
The lover looked down at his naked body and said: 'Those little
bastards!'

contempt

[HankTheTank]

A sixteen-year old girl goes to her father and asks,
"Daddy, can I borrow your car?"
"Yes. But not before you give me a blow job."
The girl is disgusted but she really wants to use the car.
"All right, Daddy. Whip it out."
Daddy does so. As the girl starts sucking, she stops and is repulsed by
what she tastes.
"Yuk, Daddy! Your dick tastes like shit!"
"I know," he replies. "Your brother asked for the car a half hour ago."

incest... f.t.disgustingness >.>

[Matt.]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.
____________
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

[James]

Ok then.

There is a polo and a smartie in a bar. The polo says "I bet you I am the strongest person in the bar!" At that point, a really strong mint comes in, a pub fight ensues, and the polo wins. "There, ya see?" "Oh, ok you proved your point."

Anyway, the Smartie and Polo carry on drinking, someone comes in, when suddenly, the polo ducks and hides behind the bar. The smartie asks: "Why did you do that? I thought you were the toughest guy in the bar?"
The Polo replies: "Yes, but that guy there you see, he is fucking Menthol!"

[contempt]

38 What did the kamikaze pilot instructor say to his students? -- Watch closely.
I'm only going to do this once.

11 Two guys were sitting in a bar. One said: 'Did you hear the news -- Mike is
dead?'
'How?' gasped the other. 'What happened to him?'
'Well, he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he pulled
up outside, he didn't brake properly and -- bang -- he hit the pavement, the car
flipped over and went crashing through the sunroof. He went flying through
the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window.'
'Wow! What a horrible way to die!'
'No, no, he survived that. That didn't kill him. So, after landing in my
upstairs bedroom, he way lying on the floor covered in broken glass. Then he
spotted the big antique wardrobe we have in the room and reached for the
handle to try to pull himself up. He was just dragging himself up when --
bang -- this massive wardrobe came crashing down on top of him, crushing
him and breaking most of his bones.'
'What a way to go! That's terrible!'
'No, no, that didn't kill him; he survived that. He managed to get the
wardrobe off him and crawled out onto the landing. There, he tried to pull
himself up on the banister, but under his weight the banister broke and he
fell down to the first floor. In mid-air, all the broken banister poles spun and
fell on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him.'
'Gee! That is an awful way to go!'
'No, no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he was on the
downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawled in to the kitchen,
tried to pull himself up by the cooker, but accidentally reached for a big pot of
boiling water. Whoosh! The whole thing came down on him and burned off
most of his skin.'
'Man! What a way to go!'
'No, no, he survived that. He was lying on the ground, covered in boiling
water, and he spotted the phone. He thought he'd reach for the phone to call
for help but instead he grabbed the light switch and pulled the whole thing
off the wall. Well, water and electricity don't mix, so he got electrocuted --
boom -- 10,000 volts shot through him.'
'Now that is one horrible way to go!'
'No, no, that didn't kill him. He survived that, he ...'
'Hold on now, just how the hell did Mike die?'
'I shot him!'
'You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?'
'He was wrecking my house!'

contempt

[Riggs]

What do you call a black man flying an airplane?






A pilot, you fucking racist.

[contempt]

Heh. Lol, Riggs. :)

Speaking of aviation...

37 'Flight 1234,' advised the control tower, 'turn right 45 degrees for noise
abatement.'
'Roger,' the pilot responded, 'but we're at 35,000 feet. How much noise
can we make up here?'
'Sir,' replied the radar man, 'have you ever heard the noise a 727 makes
when it hits a 747?'

contempt

[matt 187]

A streetwalker was visiting her doctor for a regular checkup.

"Any specific problems you should tell me about?" the doctor asked.

"Well, I have noticed lately that if I get even the tiniest cut, it seems to bleed for hours," she replied. "Do you think I might be a hemophiliac?"

"Well," the doctor answered, "hemophilia is a genetic disorder and it is more often found in men, but it is possible for a woman to be a hemophiliac. Tell me, how much you lose when you have your period?" the doctor inquired.

After calculating for a moment the hooker replied, "Oh, about seven or eight hundred dollars, I guess."

[contempt]

35 A woman was having an affair while her husband was out at work. One day
she was in bed with her boyfriend when she heard her husband's car pull
into the driveway.
'Quick!' she shouted to her boyfriend. 'Grab your clothes and jump out the
window. My husband is home early!'
The boyfriend looked out the window and said: 'I can't jump! It's raining
like crazy out there and I'm naked!'
'I don't care,' she insisted. 'If my husband catches us, he'll kill the pair of
us.'
So the boyfriend grabbed his clothes and jumped from the bedroom
window. When he landed, he found himself in the middle of a group of
marathon runners. Hoping to blend in even though he was naked, he started
running alongside them, carrying his clothes over his arm.
One of the runners asked: 'Do you always run in the nude?'
Thinking on his feet, the boyfriend replied breathlessly: 'Yes, always. It
feels so free having the air blow over my skin while I'm running.'
'Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?' queried the
athlete.
'Oh, yes,' panted the boyfriend. 'That way I can get dressed at the end of
the run, get in my car and just go straight home without a shower.'
'And,' persisted the athlete, 'do you always wear a condom when you run?'
'Only if it's raining.'

786 A drunk was staggering around the car park of a bar, feeling the roofs of the various cars.
'What are you doing?' asked a fellow customer.
'I'm looking for my car,' said the drunk, swaying unsteadily on his feet,
'and I can't find it.'
'How does feeling the roof help you?'
'Because,' said the drunk, barely able to stand, 'my car has two blue lights
and a siren on the roof.'

contempt

[SDtielvdeo]

I'm not sure if I remember this correctly...


Two Gays were walking down the beach holding hands, when one of them slipped on a lamp buried halfway into the sand. A Genie pops out and says "Ill grant you... Ugh you two are f*gs," when he sees them holding hands "Well since you freed me from this prison, Ill grant you One Wish". The couple said they wanted to think about it, since they already have all they wanted and decided to head back to their Hotel Room. As they were getting ready to sleep, Someone knocked loudly on their door, then Burst opened, "We are the KKK, and you f*gs are coming with us". As they had the rope thrown over their necks on the Gallows, one member said "Any last words?", one of the couple whispers
"I think nows the time for that wish"
"I already wished for something"
"What the hell could you have wished for?!"
"I wished we were Hung like black men"

[RedDragoon]

hahahaha gotta be one hell of a dumb ass xD

[SDtielvdeo]

Chris Rock - Who's more racist? Black people or White people?
utnK4o-jvzk
"Low Aspectation Motherfucker" - ahahhaa
He speaks the Truth.

[matt 187]

lmfao dont delet this it's the truth:lock:


7309176

[contempt]

:rolleyes: Post jokes, not videos.

1619 {word excised}
Walking along the harbor wall, two struggling fishermen -- Karl and
Henrik -- saw another boat loaded with fish. So they asked its captain what
his secret was.
The captain confided: 'Go out to sea until the water gets fresh. Then stop
there and drop your line.'
So the pair headed out to sea. A mile out, Karl said to Henrik. 'Fill up the
bucket and taste the water.'
'It still tastes salty,' said Henrik. So they carried on.
Two miles out to sea, Karl turned to Henrik again and said: 'Taste the
water, my friend.'
It's still salty,' reported Henrik. So they pressed on.
Three miles out to sea, Karl said to Henrik: 'Taste the water, old
chum.'
'It's still salty,' said Henrik. So they headed further out to sea.
This continued for the next seven hours. Every mile or so, Karl would ask
Henrik to taste the water, and each time Henrik would tell him that it was
still salty. By now it was dark and the two Newfies were despairing of ever
finding fresh water. Karl was ready to turn back but before doing so, he said
to Henrik: 'Taste the water one more time.'
Henrik replied: 'I can't. There's no more water left in the bucket... .'

1479
Strolling along the beach, a man found a magic lamp and rubbed it
vigorously. As he had hoped, a genie emerged and immediately granted
him one wish.
The man said: 'I want to be hard all the time and get all the ass I want.'
And POOF! he turned into a toilet seat.

contempt

[HankTheTank]

A farmer gave his son a duck for his sixteenth birthday and said: 'Go into
town and see what you can get with this.'
The boy went off in search of the best deal he could find and soon ran into
a hooker who offered: 'I'll have sex with you if you give me the duck.' He
agreed, and afterwards she was so impressed by the boy's virility that she
said: 'If you do it again, I'll give you the duck back.'
He went along with her idea and, since he had now got the duck back, he
carried on through town in search of a good trade. But then as he walked
down the main street, the duck suddenly flew out of his arms and into an
incoming truck. The driver was so distraught at having killed the duck that he
gave the boy a dollar.
When the boy arrived home, his dad asked him what he had received for
the duck. The boy said: 'Well, I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and a
buck for a fucked-up duck.'

[Matt.]

Three girls, a red head, burnette, and a blonde were forced to jump off a cliff, but before they did, they were granted 1 wish. The red head walked to the edge of the cliff and said "I wish I was a bird!" So she turned into a bird and flew away. Then the burnette walked to the edge and said "I wish I was a fish!" So she turned into a fish and fell into the stream below and swam away. Finally the blonde walked to the edgen and as she was walking she said "I wish I was a--" when she tripped on a rock and said "Ah Shit!" So she turned into a peice of crap and fell to the bottom.

[contempt]

I got a similar, IMO, funnier joke in my book, Matt :P. If anyone feels offended by its characters or the s-word used in the joke, please let me know and I'll edit it.

1603 An Ontarian, a British Columbian and a Newfie were standing at the top of a
cliff when suddenly a genie appeared before them. The genie told them that
if they jumped off the cliff, they would land in whatever they yelled as they
were jumping.
The Ontarian hared toward the edge, jumped yelling 'Money!' and
landed in a mountain of dollar bills.
The British Columbian sprinted to the cliff edge, jumped yelling 'Gold!'
and landed in a pile of gold coins.
The Newfie ran as fast as he could, reached the edge of the cliff, tripped
over a rock and screamed in pain as he fell downwards, 'Shiiiit!'

2013 {censored}
Little Jenny had little interest in Sunday School and usually slept through
class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping. 'Tell me,
Jenny,' she said, 'Who created the universe?'
When Jenny didn't stir, Johnny, who was sitting in the chair behind her,
jabbed her in the backside with a pin.
'God Almighty!' shouted Jenny.
'Very good,' said the teacher, and Jenny fell back asleep.
Twenty minutes later, the teacher asked Jenny: 'Who is our Lord and
Savior?'
Jenny remained sound asleep until Johnny came to her rescue again by
prodding her sharply with the pin.
'Jesus Christ!' shouted Jenny.
'That's right,' said the teacher, and Jenny went back to sleep.
Ten minutes later, the teacher asked Jenny a third question: 'What did
Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'
Once again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Jenny jumped up
and shouted: 'If you stick that f**king thing in me one more time, I'll break it
in half and stick it up your a*s!'
The teacher fainted.

1680
Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
Between two chunks of bread.

Poor lamb :(.

contempt